Courage and Clarity: Following God’s Call
I joined Saint Benedict’s Monastery in St. Joseph, Minn., after graduating from Cathedral High School, taught by Benedictine sisters, in St. Cloud, Minn. There was something about religious life that strongly attracted me, but I was not sure if this life would be for me — it was so different than what I was used to, and I worried that I wouldn’t be qualified for what I was asked to do. Yet, I wanted to try it. At that time, my pastor and my parents were my support and guidance in making this decision.
During my first five years of formation in the way of Benedictine life, I questioned continuing several times. These were down times for me. With guidance from my superiors, I continued and made perpetual monastic profession.
Ministry is an important element of Benedictine life, as is prayer, community living and service to others. Over the years, my ministry took me into teaching, music, religious education, chaplaincy work, working among those who were poor or unhoused in the Twin Cities, and a variety of other experiences. During these years of ministry, there were times again when I would wrestle with my call to this way of life. I was beginning to feel restrained and isolated — I wasn’t getting any “life” out of this lifestyle anymore.
I finally got the courage to speak to the prioress about my personal dilemma. Together we decided that I would take a leave of absence for three years, which meant that I would continue with my work and continue to pray and trust that the Spirit would give me peace in whatever decision I made.
My spirituality changed over the years, especially during and after my graduate work in pastoral ministry at Seattle University in Seattle, Wash. I found that I began relating to God differently. God became a loving, personal God. The judging God, the God of fear and punishment, the God of distance, no longer existed for me. This was a very freeing experience — I no longer worried about disappointing other people or failing God. This spiritual change within me finally gave me the courage to leave religious life more than 25 years after I entered.
Since the day I left the Benedictine community, “Once a Benedictine, always a Benedictine” is a thought I have carried in my heart. My journey as a religious sister, over many years, felt like a transformational journey. I have not regretted my decision. I realize how all that went into my decision to leave has made me a better person in ways that could not have happened if I had left during my early years. What riches might I have missed that came from the opportunity of living in a religious community? I think of friendships, prayer life, a good education, a love for church ministry and stewardship, modeled so well by the community, to name only a few.
In all of my struggles with this decision, I came to strongly believe that God would love me no matter what decision I made. I learned from all my doubts, unsettling times and unmet expectations that when things come together, a positive response comes with new clarity. For me, that is peace within.
The monastic community I left many years ago is different now. The lifestyle has changed as the sisters have looked ahead to their future and their role in the work of the Church and world. My life has changed, too. I moved forward and began considering a decision to marry. When making serious decisions, trusting the work of the Spirit is important but not easy. This time of decision making was not a time when I wanted to use only my personal guiding force — I needed the influence and experiences of others to help my decision become clear and complete. I again sought counseling, along with spiritual direction, a time of retreat and the wisdom of trusted friends. After a series of events that cleared the path for me, I was ready to follow the call to marriage.
After being away from my life as a monastic for 40 years, it has been important for me to stay connected to my Benedictine roots. My husband, Ken, and I have remained connected with the community through volunteering and attending Sunday Mass, special liturgical events and events sponsored by the sisters.
I also stay connected with friends in the community. Recently, I visited my classmates who are now at Saint Scholastica Convent, the sisters’ retirement community in St. Cloud. We still enjoy seeing each other, and it is a bond that will not be lost — that is what community life can do. Even though we are all aging, I experience the same personalities I came to know so long ago.
My time living in a monastic community gave me tools to live the Christian life founded in Benedictine values including the habit of personal prayer, appreciation of times of quiet and reflection, awareness of God in so many places, and a spirit of outreach to those in need. I hold a heart filled with gratitude to my Benedictine community and an awareness of an abundance of blessings because of my call to religious life and later to the call to married life. My advice to a young woman discerning where God is calling her to be is this:
“Listen to your heart and where your heart is drawn. Whenever you experience inner peace, that is the decision to make.”
Liz Brannan
This article was featured on pages 20-21 in the fall 2026 issue of Call.
