“While I Breathe, I Hope”
Last spring, the Spirituality Center•Studium offered a book study on While I Breathe, I Hope: A Mystagogy of Dying by theologian Dr. Richard “Rick” Gaillardetz. In this compilation of essays, Rick shares his journey of being diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer at age 63. Each page is raw, reflective and brimming with faith.
Intrigued by the book’s title, I immediately signed up to participate in this program. While I’ve experienced minimal true grief during my 30 years of life, I’m fascinated by stories of resilience, especially when it requires surrendering fully to God. And that’s what this book is: A story of true surrender.
Upon learning of his diagnosis and facing an early departure from this world, Rick began to share his thoughts and reflections on CaringBridge.com, a nonprofit health platform that allows people and caregivers to detail and share the journey surrounding a health journey, similar to a journal. He signed off each entry with “Dum spiro, spero,” a Latin phrase meaning, “While I breathe, I hope.”
This book, so eloquently written, is a heartbreakingly beautiful look into Rick’s life as he learned to navigate his final season of life with true faith. Some stories are uplifting and hopeful, such as traveling with his family and becoming a grandfather. Other chapters are heavy, such as stories detailing the devastating effects of chemotherapy on his fragile body.
One of the most beautiful elements of this book is Rick’s use of Christian imagery. Throughout the book, he compares his experiences to different liturgical celebrations and symbols of the Christian faith, which helps readers immerse themselves deeper in his journey. There are symbols in Eucharist, in baptism, in the Sacred Triduum.
Through every moment in his final journey, Rick always put his hope in God, our God who promises eternal life to all who put their trust in Him. Rick never said it was easy or fair, but he always trusted that God’s plan is greater than his. He reminds us that even when we don’t understand why, we must trust that God is working in us and through us.
My intention for joining this program was to better position myself to be a woman of faith when life’s storms inevitably come rolling in. Although I haven’t yet been knocked down by the waves, I know the day will come where I myself will need to rest in the promises of God.
Participating in this program was a good start. We had a lively group of seven women, ranging widely in age, education and experience. Rick’s vulnerability throughout each chapter encouraged us to be vulnerable with each other, too, and although I often didn’t have a relatable experience to share, I was so moved by the stories and experiences of my fellow participants. Our conversations, and this book, reminded me that even in life’s darkest moments, no one walks the journey alone — and that is true hope.
Amanda Hackett
This article was featured on pages 22-23 in the winter 2026 issue of Remember
While I Breathe, I Hope: A Mystagogy of Dying can be purchased online
at Liturgical Press
Dr. Richard Gaillardetz was a former scholar in the monastery’s Studium program. Learn more about Studium at the Spirituality Center•Studium
