Retreating

Retreats always surprise me. For the retreat we have going right now, I was all excited because a woman is directing it. And I still like that, but I have been so busy during the retreat with other things such as reading at midday prayer.

I found that we had Eucharist at noon during that same time as midday prayer, and thus I prepared for something that did not happen. Another day, I did a favor for someone and did not realize the time it would take.

Thus, it feels as though the time I thought I would have for meditation and contemplation on ideas from the retreat have vanished, and I have less time than ever before when “making a retreat.”

The other thing that happened was my own fault. I stayed up too late reading a book and thus overslept in the morning. I missed morning prayer and the morning conference, which I was looking forward to.

Now that the retreat is half over, and I want to change my ways, but as I finish this overview I realize it was probably my worst “retreat” in years.

I thought the director was terrific, but the circumstances of my life made me so susceptible to little things that became major obstacles to devoting prime time to prayer.

I need to remember how things went down and try to avoid those temptations again. Why is sleep so attractive? Not getting enough I suppose, but I really like reading my book.

Forgive me, Lord, and let me start over.

Oh, I just realized that I had a wonderful surprise today—so I know you still love me!

Mary Jane Berger, OSB

Photo by Kelly Lacy on Pexels.